An HFM Brotherhood member and fellow veteran reached out to me after listening the one of our veteran Zoom meetings. D.W. as we’ll call him expressed some disturbing findings of improper treatment of veterans in the workplace. I’ve also heard other veterans talk about this and seen this with my own eyes as well. For those that are transitioning veterans, this problem is there and it’s not going anywhere.

- Coach J


To start with, I’ll make it clear that I’m not suggesting there is an epidemic of veterans being abused and exploited in the civilian workforce. However, based on my experiences and conversations with fellow veterans, it’s important to put out a warning. Many of us transition from military service with values like duty, honour, and service deeply ingrained in us. These values are powerful and positive, but they can also make us vulnerable in environments where not everyone shares the same principles. Not everyone you meet in your civilian employment is out to get you, but it’s essential to be aware of potential pitfalls.

The Reality of the Civilian Workplace

Even from my own experience, one of the hardest adjustments veterans face is the experience that the civilian workforce operates differently from the military. In the military, there’s a clear structure, a shared sense of mission, and a strong camaraderie. Civilian workplaces, however, can be more ambiguous. The values we hold dear—duty, loyalty, and honour—aren’t always at the forefront of everyone’s mind. Some civilian leaders or bosses may not have your best intentions in mind and might even see your dedication as something to exploit.
Another significant difference is the way accomplishments are perceived. In the military, humility is often valued, and we tend to underplay our achievements, focusing instead on the goal and the team. In civilian workplaces, however, there’s a tendency for some individuals to exaggerate their work and past accomplishments. This can lead to a situation where your own roles and activities are belittled, making your experience seem less significant. The reality is that you’ve likely achieved a lot more than is being acknowledged, but because you’re not shouting it from the rooftops, others might downplay your contributions to elevate their own.

Exploitation of Work Ethic

Veterans are known for their strong work ethic. We work with a purpose, often finding fulfillment in the task itself, and getting paid is simply a byproduct of our commitment. However, this dedication can be a double-edged sword. Manipulative employers may recognize that they don’t need to pay you your worth because they see how committed you are to the job. They might push you to take on more work than is reasonable, knowing you’ll do it without complaint because that’s what you’re used to doing. I ran into an old sailor I had under my command that was been worked into an early grave in his civilian job. This was occurring while his boss enjoyed holidays on his productivity profits. He is in a better work place now, but at the time he noted that it is what he had to do to keep on his job.

The Trap of Capacity and Teamwork

A veteran’s capacity for work is another trait that can be both a strength and a vulnerability. Generally speaking we’re productive, efficient, and not easily distracted. We’re also accustomed to working as a team, often covering for others because we believe in the collective success or failure of the group. But in a civilian workplace, this can lead to burnout if you’re constantly picking up the slack for others. This is another line where some employers take advantage of this willingness to go the extra mile, without offering the support or compensation deserved. I noted this with one defense industry supplier, who prided themselves as being an employer of veterans, but in reality was playing to their scarcity anxiety mindset.

Guilt and Loyalty

When we leave the service, finding that first civilian job can feel like a huge leap of faith. We’re grateful for the opportunity and often feel a deep sense of loyalty to that first employer, as there may be no other opportunities. But as new opportunities arise, this sense of loyalty can become a source of guilt. You might feel like you’re disrespecting your first employer by considering a new role, and this guilt can be exploited. Your current boss might guilt-trip you into staying, knowing how strongly you value loyalty.

This is something I felt when I left. However, as an employer now I make it clear how my team can walk away, any day, for any reason, and not have the complexities. I want then to succeed, and if I am a lily pad for their growth it makes me just as happy. Any employer that doesn’t do this is not worth their time.

Gaslighting and Mistrust

In the military, we’re used to camaraderie and leaders who genuinely have our best interests at heart. This isn’t always the case in civilian work environments. Gaslighting—where someone makes you question your own reality—can be a common tactic. One common form of gaslighting that veterans face is being told that they don’t understand the complexities of the commercial imperative of civilian employment. This is nonsense. While there might be a learning curve for some, most veterans I know pick up the commercial aspects, including reporting, within a couple of weeks. This false narrative is often used to undermine your confidence and make you feel like an outsider.

You might find yourself in a situation where you’re being lied to or manipulated, but because you’re not used to such behavior, it’s hard to recognize it for what it is. This can lead to a lot of confusion and mistrust, making your transition even more challenging. Especially if you partner/Wife/GF is worried about the finances and stability if you change jobs.

Final Thoughts

The transition to civilian work can be a rewarding experience, but it’s not without its challenges. While our military values are strengths, they can also make us vulnerable to less scrupulous individuals. By being aware of these potential pitfalls, we can better protect ourselves and ensure that we’re treated with the respect and fairness we deserve. Remember, it’s not just about finding a job—it’s about finding a place where you can continue to grow, and be valued.  It is about a sense of abundance.

I am sure you can see the similarities to a relationships and advice given here. Actually, a lot of it sounds like nice guy behavior, but it is not. A veteran’s sense of duty and honor of service is an inherent trait. What is occurring is that trait is being exploited.

So how do you stop it? Mates (friends) and mentors will pick up on it before you will, as those that a perpetrating the abuse are likely to be validating the hell out of you. So find yourself a network and share your transition to civilian life; we have all made mistakes so no shame to be had just reach out.

D.W.- Veteran and HFM Brotherhood Member