The Online Gender War

The online space is inundated with both men and women pointing at the other side of the aisle as the problem in relationships. Whether it’s claims from men that women have lost their way to due to feminism (ya know the man hating variant) or that modern women aren’t like our mothers and grandmothers or women pointing to men that they are toxic, useless, and they are better of without them. No amount of pointing to the faults of some men and some women fix anything at large scale.

A few things are strikingly clear to me. First, this is a monkey shit fight at the zoo. It’s similar to any politically charged American opinion show you pick on any television channel. Second, you’ve got to consider the population of those commenting, posting, and making all the noise. Well, to put it simply they are composed of both men and women that have been hurt in relationships and they’ll let you know it and exactly how the hurt occurred. Finally, as G.S. Youngblood stated in his book “The Masculine in Relationships”, “The online gender war is a zero-sum game that no one wins.”

Well said Mr. Youngblood, I couldn’t agree more. I’ve been down much of the rabbit hole of the “Manosphere” or in other words the men’s side of this argument. I’ve also taken the time to research women’s observations of men they have encountered to better understand their points of view.  We all know that painting with broad strokes is very stupid. It leaves out vital context, details, and unnecessarily alienates those that are genuine in their want to build a lasting quality relationship with the opposite sex. It’s a sort of mass online punishment to each side. Talking shit to random people on the other side of the aisle does not achieve anything. It just furthers the division between men and women and nets you exactly nothing of real value.  It’s a collective shit posting train wreck that can become addicting to watch. A male or female influencer that brow beats the opposite sex with legitimate points that could be truthfully said about the worst of us but, with the effects of a weapon of mass destruction.

I wish I could get all the men together in a giant auditorium and get us all on the same page to act the right way. We all know that’s never going to happen. I’d love to see the same thing happen with all women. Again, It’ll never happen.

Here’s a few things to consider as you wade through the internet swamp consuming data and content in your search to be a better person in the relationship world.

1. You don’t build up yourself or your gender or bolster your argument by tearing down the other gender. 
2. All men and all women are capable of equally awful things in relationships. You don’t make the gender pay for the actions of individuals. 
3. Just because you experienced it, doesn’t make it common and certainly doesn’t make it common to all. 
4. Consider what you do want, not just the bad behavior you don’t want. So much time is focused on bad acting that we forget what we want in a relationship. 
5. You are not owed a relationship. You are also not obligated to be a part of a relationship. It’s a choice. Choices have consequences good and bad. There are undeniable risks in the game of love. 
6. If you are a person who’s got some relationship battle damage you need to work through it with a coach or therapist. If not, you’ll likely repeat this cycle again and again until you give up entirely.
7. Consider what you are consuming in the way of online content. Is it polarizing? Is it fair? Does it strike a medium?

Here at HFM, our coaches strive to push men in HEALTHY directions. That healthy medium focusing on behavior associated with some and not all is the answer you’ve been looking for.