The Pendulum Effect of Self Improvement
I remember going through driver’s education training a few decades ago. I was driving a car and under steered and side swiped a parked vehicle. Another time I over steered and nearly hit a vehicle in a turn lane. Steering is a major function in driving a vehicle. Over or under steering can and does cause accidents that are often very preventable. Much like driving a vehicle we’ve got to steer our actions in our lives. Sometimes we don’t do that exactly right. In my time as a coach here I have seen many a reformed “Nice Guy” over correct and swing the pendulum all the way to the far extreme. He goes from always apologizing to never admitting fault ever. He goes from giving women the sun, the moon, and the stars to giving them the least possible. A type of treatment no reasonable person would accept in a relationship. He doesn’t over invest by investing next to nothing. He goes from a guy who’s never been to the gym to doing anabolic steroids and finally, he goes from being selfless to selfish.
This happens. It’s bound to happen when you work with thousands of men searching for the answers. There is an abundance of information out there specific to a man’s self-improvement. It can be misinterpreted and taken way too far. I write this as a warning. DO NOT TAKE THIS TOO FAR. DON’T DO TOO MUCH BUDDY! To do this you need to first understand what the problem is and what results your actions are yielding.
I often find that the largest pendulum swing involves men that have been exceptionally damaged in romantic relationships with women. This results in the knee jerk reaction of men writing off all women as adulterous money hungry whores and marriage completely unacceptable under any terms in today’s age. Now to be fair, I’m not here to tell you that this guy can’t do this or there’s some kind of rule against it. No, not at all what I’m saying. I’m merely highlighting the pendulum swinging from one extreme to the next. The men often tell me in coaching sessions that they’d rather die than feel the pain of rejection, humiliation, and trudging through the aftermath of a failed relationship or marriage. This generally leads to a decision point to write women off completely or try to have sex with them and nothing more.
My advice is to always try to find the reasonable middle of situations. We all know the draw backs of painting with broad strokes and mass punishment. After you’ve been hurt it’s time to take a pause and try to learn something. You’ll generally find that you have some fault, the other person has some fault and there are things you can work on within you and look for in women to avoid a similar outcome. That’s balanced and healthy. However, if you in fact chose a to swing the pendulum to all or nothing with women that is completely your choice but, you should do it with integrity. Don’t lead women on, don’t purposely hurt them because you are hurt.
You’ve got better things to do than create more chaos in the world.