We all have things we wish were different about ourselves. We all have strengths and weaknesses. No one has it all and no one is perfect. Look no further than the Hollywood A Listers to find the most miserable pile of fucks you could ever assemble in one place yet, they have wealth, status, and power beyond anything that all but a small fraction of us will know in our lifetimes. These same Hollywood A Listers cannot go in public without being taunted, followed, photographed, and harassed by the paparazzi and fans. They have been largely relegated to monkeys on a stage dancing for money one show at a time for their lifetime. This is not to say that this is an insecurity but, more telling of “No one has it all”. These folks don’t have the basic personal privacy that you and I enjoy. I’m sure most of them wish they could have all their money, status, and power and have it all without a private security detail to protect them. It’s not going to happen. Life is also about tradeoffs. The more you view things through this lens the more you see the truth in it. The guy with the awesome beard but, a terrible hairline. The ugly guy with the huge dick. The super short guy who’s the funniest and most confident guy you know. Not everything has such polarity but, you catch my drift. I often see the most beautiful girls being some of the most insecure people I’ve ever met. The irony isn’t lost on me. It’s mother nature’s cruel little reality tv show for us all.
Issues with insecurity are often closely related to low self-esteem and may be exasperated by situations such as:
- Medical issues that limit the way you can live your life.
- Fixation on economic status or other’s lifestyles.
- Failure to meet personal goals or benchmarks.
- Unfair or harsh criticism from others.
- Relationships.
- Life setbacks especially if they happen in with little break in between to recover.
The specific purpose of my writing here is to divide insecurities into two categories: What we can change and what we can’t change. I’ll also cap the scope of the insecurities to perceived personal flaws as this is a pretty big subject in a person’s life. Spend a short amount of time online in the relationship world and you’ll hear men talk about how they’ve been cut out of the dating market because of their height or their income or an infinite number of other things. It’s my view that we’ve got to sort these insecurities into their proper box and accept them or change them as applicable.
Every person should make a simple “T Chart” and run through this very simple exercise. On the Left side of the T chart write things I can change. On the right-side right things, I cannot change. For this we will narrow our focus to personal traits you have or don’t have. Think physical, mental, emotional, attributes, a holistic view of yourself. Then write down the things you don’t like about yourself that you can’t change on the right side and the things you can change on left side of the T chart. So, for example you can’t change your height you can only manipulate your height with special shoes so this would go on the right side of the T chart. Your income would go on the left because this is something you can change.
For the things that you can change you need to develop goals and a plan to address those things, or don’t and just stay mad, I guess. For the things you can’t change you can do practical work to address your perception of your own flaws. Here are some tips to address your insecurities that you cannot change:
- Stop comparing yourself to other people. A lot of life is a You VS. You situation. Yes, there is also a lot of competition with others. Sometimes you are in head-to-head competition but, often you aren’t.
- You may have to remove people or situations out of your life that cannot be changed and are negatively impacting your self-esteem. This is not a catch all fix. Take a hard look at this and use if applicable:
- Confront your feelings while utilizing a coach or therapist.
- Embrace you as you are. We are all equally flawed individuals. I don’t look at anyone as holistically better than me.
- Challenge your negative thought patterns. You’ll see they are often not based in reality.
- Challenge yourself to learn new things and focus your energy on growth capacity.
I challenge you to look at the good things that you bring to the table and showcase those daily in your life. Look at what you can change and do something about it. You can often minimize your flaws through the showcasing of the good things about you. These are often called “redeeming qualities”. There will always be the assholes in the world that claim you are compensating. No, ma’am not every man that drives a big truck or a sports car has a micro penis. I would ask why she’s so concerned with what that guy is driving and go find something to keep yourself busy. Don’t give these people your time.
This process I’ve written about is extremely important for anyone engaging in self-improvement. At some point you must come to terms with the things you can’t change about yourself and enter acceptance mode. You shouldn’t delay getting to that point. Once you get there you can really tap into an enjoyable season of your life.