If you’ve been on the Facebook page for more than 5 minutes and have seen one of my posts or replies, you know that I believe that one of the, if not THE, best way to alleviate tension, pass shit tests, and break through to more intimacy is through humor.
I’ve thought long and hard about this, and I’ve decided to share what I’ve learned.
So, let’s get to it, you magnificent bastards!
Why humor?
There’s actually a myriad of reasons, but let’s get the boring, sciencey stuff out of the way.
Laughing increases endorphins, the “feel good” hormones. This has the effect of also decreasing cortisol, the main stress hormone.
That basically means when we laugh, we’re happier and more relaxed.
It’s a great way to get women into their feminine energy. Besides getting them drunk.
When they’re in their feminine energy, they’re more open and flirtatious.
Ok, science class dismissed.
Another benefit of laughter is that it can be construed-when used correctly-as a sign of strength.
You, with your hand up, you have a question?
Ah, yes, the old “how does it show strength” question…
Well, to nutshell it, when we “laugh in the face of danger”, or, in our cases, shit tests, or an irrational, unreasonably angry wife, it shows we’re fearless.
We’re basically standing up to the schoolyard bully.
Secondly, we’re showing our wives our emotional “give-a-shitter” is broken.
(It’s right there behind the anterior no-fucks-given dorsii, for those who like anatomy.)
We’re showing them that we’re emotionally strong and not a whiny little bitch. In short, it teaches us how to not give a fuck while not being an asshole.
They have friends named Karen for that.
Strong men turn women on.
Also, when done properly, it’s a mirror to see how irrational your woman is being. If just for a second, they have some clarity into their actions, especially when they know they’re being irrational.
“Right”, you might be saying. “But what if I don’t have a particularly good sense of humor? Or worse yet, what if SHE doesn’t? What if I can’t think of these things to lighten the mood?”
Newsflash…we all have a sense of humor. It’s just a matter of developing it and using it to our advantage.
Calm down. I know you’re scoffing, but I’m going to teach you a way of how to develop one, and find hers.
Think about when you were dating. Did you laugh then? Could you be witty and charming?
Is it lost now? Why? Did you stop being fearless? Did you get so bitter and jaded, that you should grow green fur and live in a trash can?
Lighten up, Francis.
Or maybe, just maybe, what made her laugh then doesn’t any longer.
What, pray tell, are you supposed to do if her sense of humor has changed and what used to make her laugh doesn’t anymore?
She’s in the same boat you are. Probably bitter and frustrated, just as you are.
So, with her, you have to do something painful and may go against every grain of your being
.
You have to listen to a conversation with her and her girlfriends. Or watch one of her comedies. Make note of what people say, and more importantly, HOW they say it. Remember it. If you have to take notes, take them.
Then go smoke a cigar and eat a huge steak to get your manliness back
.
For you to find yours, I suggest you start small. Find a greeting card or comic strip you find funny. Then find more of the same vein. Keep them and refer to them daily.
Use what they say in conversations when appropriate.
But people will laugh, you say? Well, that’s kind of the point.
Figure out what makes you laugh. Out loud. Until you pee yourself.
Don’t know how to tell a joke to save your life? Watch videos of comedians. Seriously. Find ones you relate to. The best ones just make it look natural.
CAUTION: There’s many comedians who make a living out of being a pure-D grade A complete sarcastic asshole. Right now, stay away from them.
Leave that to me and a few others.
Practice delivery, also. With the wrong delivery, people may not know you’re being funny. I know you Brits have that dry sense of humor. Use it.
Bill Murray, whether or not you think he’s funny, is one of the best at delivery. Watch Ghostbusters as an example. Stripes, also. His delivery is great.
Goofy is good.
Val Kilmer had great delivery in “Real Genius”.
John Cusack was spot on in his delivery in both “Better Off Dead” and “One Crazy Summer.”
So was Tom Hanks in “Bachelor Party”.
The list goes on. Start with some of those.
The older comedians-those from “The Golden Age”, like George Burns or Bob Hope-were also masters in delivery.
Once you’ve decided your style,
Practice being funny mentally.
What I mean is: think of situations in your head where humor is warranted, and how you can get your point across with humor. Once comfortable, you can try it out on friends and coworkers who know you and who you are comfortable around. If they laugh, and don’t look at you like you have three heads or punch you in the nose, you’re doing it right.
If they don’t laugh, then back to the drawing board.
Something that is truly beneficial is teasing. A popular talk show host calls it “demonstrating absurdity by being absurd.”
It seems counterproductive, but it goes back to being fearless.
When you tease, tease more of the overreaction or the situation itself, and not the person. You’re laughing at the childishness of her extreme emotions.
When my wife told my sons if they didn’t clean their water jugs for football practice every day, they’d get sick. I responded with “Hyperbole is the greatest thing ever!” I was teasing her about the situation.
Another was when my wife came home, saw my sons socks and shoes in the living room, and went on a tirade. “This house is a pig sty! How could you let this happen?” she asked me. I learned a response and used it. I said “You’re right. I’m a Neanderthal. Earlier I pissed on the floor and instead of cleaning it up, I laid down and took a nap in it.” She laughed and called me an idiot before she kissed me.
I teased her about the situation.
You won’t turn into another Robin Williams, but you’ll have the tools to diffuse those awkward situations without being a total dick.
If this doesn’t help, I promise you’ll get your money back.
Wait..I didn’t charge…dammit.
Be warned, though: there’s a huge difference between teasing and biting sarcasm.
Some of you are still in that place of resentment. Where every little thing she does or says sets you off.
I get it.
My childhood wasn’t the best. I learned to cope by matching my mother’s biting sarcasm with my own.
It intensified with my first marriage, where we fought all the time and I felt I had to use it to get her to stop, and then when I started as a Paramedic. Sarcasm and a dark sense of humor have been coping mechanisms for me.
I’ve learned to dial it back by pausing for a moment instead of immediately reacting, taking a step back, and asking, “Will responding this way hinder or help my situation?”
When developing your funny bone (not the real one-that’s already developed), take a deep breath and think of that question before you respond. This shows control and a coolheadedness that they need.
Eye contact, a sly smile, a non-sexual touch, and a funny statement in the midst of an argument or test may not open her legs for you right then and there, but it could pave the way by softening her and showing her you’re the strong hunk of man meat she fell in love with.
Now go, and be funny and fearless!
Be Fun and Fearless With Humor
