The underlying truths about relationships, which are undeniably grounded in biology and evolution, are always butting up against modern societal norms. We can go on and on and about WHY society and women in general may TELL us one thing… while our own eyes and our life experience shows us something completely different… but the truth can always be summarized with the popular phrase:
Don’t listen to what they SAY. Instead, watch what they DO.
Actions speak volumes. Very often what it is said to us is done so out of the desire to not hurt our feelings… or worse… to actually mislead us and to keep us acting in the other person’s own best interests, instead of our own. Think of the wife who tells you to just “be yourself” while at the same always avoiding any physical intimacy with you. She wants to keep you away but maintain the comfortable life she’s grown accustomed to. She sees you as a Provider, and seeing you in another role is upsetting.
One thing that I hear very often from my readers is a variation on one theme: “My wife isn’t doing what I expect her to do. She’s being lazy. She’s not being nice. She’s not following through on things that need to get done. She says one thing and does another. She’s, in general, being a poor life partner.” When you drill drown into the situation, it’s a bad combination of a man who never put his foot down (Nice Guy syndrome) and a wife who has grown accustomed to getting away with murder… and ironically she’s grown angry and frustrated with a husband who won’t provide direction.
Basically, she’s an unruly teenager who won’t admit it… but she’s begging for some semblance of direction and assertiveness. When she gets it, she will be appreciative and relaxed by the security and strength that only a good leader can provide.
A good leader always tells you the same thing. Sometimes you gotta be an asshole. Sometimes you have to bark orders. Sometimes you have to get your teammates involved and show them how you can all work together to accomplish a goal. Sometimes you have to fire some teammates to make room for somebody better to step in.
Yes, it may sound antiquated to some of you reading this, but your wife wants a man. Yes, she will pester and fuss until you hand over the reigns to her… but she will eventually resent you for letting her take over the relationship so easily. She’s not wired to run every facet of your life together. She naturally wants to be submissive and sometimes that means saying, “Yes sir” in the best way she knows how… with her sexuality.
Some common scenarios:
Problem: “My wife is lazy. She will be on her phone for hours instead of cleaning… and then complain when I don’t do something right away for her.”
Solution: To your lazy wife- “Alright. Get up. We got stuff to do. You do the dishes and I got the laundry. After that we’ll put clothes away and then tackle the bathrooms. Got it? Not sure why you’re still sitting there. I want this to be over as quickly as you do. Let’s go! Chop chop!”
Problem: “My wife is always trying to control everything. I can’t do anything without her nagging me about how I’m doing it wrong.”
Solution: “Alright, sweetheart, I’m going to make your life a lot less stressful. You ready? From now on, when I am do something… you go in the other room and do something else. I will get this done, then you get something else done. That way we are doubling up on work and get done that much faster. That certainly makes way more sense than you standing there and watching me and obviously stressing out. Agree? Of course you do. You’re a smart gal. So go… do something. I’ll check in with you later. No more standing and staring. Go. Now. Thank you!”
Problem: “My wife spends too much. She’s put us into massive amounts of debt. She doesn’t like it when I question her spending. She gets mad and then shoves it in my face anytime I buy something small for myself.”
Solution: “Your spending is a big problem. You have put us us into serious financial trouble. I’ve told you this many times but you don’t listen to me. If you want to remain together as a married couple then you need to act like a responsible married person. Understand? We’re going to go on a budget. I’m sure that causes you all kinds of stress, but that’s your problem. You put yourself into this mess, not me. Now we ALL have to deal with it, unfortunately. Or not.. .and you can deal with it on your own without me because I will leave. That’s how serious of an issues this is. Understand?”
All of these responses have something in common: They could REALLY backfire on you. Guess what? That’s part of being a leader. A good leader prepares for one of his team members saying “No” or just straight up faling at the job. A good leader either corrects the team member, takes over the task himself (temporarily) or he gets somebody else to take that spot on the team. Most men erroneously take the “fire my wife” option off of the table. If you’ve already mentally committed to sticking with your wife “no matter what”, then you might as well just call it quits now.
Your wife wants a leader. Your family wants a leader. You want a happy family and a happy wife? LEAD.