Ralph frequently uses James Bond as the ideal stoic persona we should embody as men. In this article, I want to break down exactly what makes James Bond James Bond. What is he doing right? What knowledge, skills, and attributes does he have and how can we learn from it? How can we transform ourselves into this dapper dangerous spy guy and how does it translate to the modern day family man?
Who is James Bond?
James Bond is a British intelligence agent for the MI6 agency (code name 007). He’s devoted his entire life to protecting his country and the world from certain disaster. He’s tall, physically fit, very well dressed, proficient in multiple hand to hand combat disciplines, firearms/marksmanship, edged weapons, subversion, sabotage, small unit tactics, defensive driving, and a host of other deadly skills. He’s dark, mysterious, a skilled lover that has frequent rendezvous with a seemingly endless number of insanely gorgeous women. None of which have been able to lock this wild mustang down into a provider roll. James Bond lives and breathes his mission. Anything other than increasing his proficiencies in the previously mentioned disciplines, occasionally eating and sleeping, and having passionate sex is a distraction he simply does not have the time to entertain. James Bond is the jack of all trades and has mastered a shit load of them. I attribute this to his singular focus on mission accomplishment. He has to be ready now. He is the quintessential play boy. He is well groomed even in the midst of battle, he drives insanely expensive cars, he’s a master of seduction, and calmly controls his environment regardless of the situation he finds himself in. He’s a master of applying decisive controlled violence but with a striking duality of kindness and tenderness. Hollywood created the perfect bad ass dude.
The Art and the Science of being “Dangerous”
Let’s start by understanding the art and science relationship.
Art- The subjective expression of knowledge.
Science- A System of acquiring knowledge.
For this article we’ll say it’s the relationship of using approaches to display a “dangerous” mentality and the practical application of a “dangerous” way of life.
What’s meant by being “dangerous” is having an” edginess” in your persona. Assuming risk, being involved in activities that are risky. In other words, not being a boring ass dude with no hobbies or being described as “oh he wouldn’t hurt a fly”. This can mean a lot of things and will definitely mean something different to everyone. Here are some practical examples:
– Playing sports
– Hunting/fishing
– Sky diving
– Firearms training
– Martial arts
– Mountain biking/skiing/snowboarding/etc
– Riding Motorcycles, off road vehicles, etc
– Dangerous line of work (police officer, military, first responder, bouncer at a night club, security work)
– Hiking/going on adventures
– Sailing
– Playing in a band
– Improving your physical fitness
Disclaimer: No I’m not recommending you take on the local Hell’s Angels bar. Most women are highly turned off by reckless men.
Anything that involves a personal hobby you can do with a community of men that isn’t boring and safe. This all outside of your comfort zone? None of it interest you? Maybe you should try getting out of your comfort zone.
The aura of being “dangerous” could be expressed in an equation like this:
Stoic display of attitude + Dude hobby or line of work + time away +element of uncertainty/ mystery= “he’s dangerous”
Now to that art and science part. The art is how you present this aura of danger MENTALITY “I’m at where I’m at and I’ll be home when I’m done…whenever that is” the science is living your life fully incorporating your “dangerous” set of skills while acquiring and mastering other important skills over the course of a lifetime. This involves taking calculated risks, failing at times and succeeding in others. This is highly desirable to MANY women. Why? Being “dangerous” is a mentality. It’s a way of life. You don’t settle for the status quo, you don’t get comfortable, you set goals and accomplish them, and then you set more goals and go crush those too. You’re predictably unpredictable. You’re always holding another card to play. You’re not a quitter. She knows you are going to fight for what you want. This creates an intense desire in many women to “lock you down”. The biological programming takes over “mate with this man”.
Lady Killer
James bond is NOT a provider. He’s not settling down and raising kids. He’s going to keep his current gig up until he dies of old age or it kills him. He’s 100% in lover mode. He’s a natural. His seduction is effortless. The only time he is pursuing a woman is to save her ass from certain death. Ever see him chase a woman for sexual fulfillment? NOPE! This high speed death machine takes what he wants and the “Bond Girls” love him for that. For context the women he is having sex with are far from the girl next door wife type either but, that’s beside the point. James Bond is in control of his emotions at all times. He is the rock of safety when you’re in his company.
James bond Attributes Checklist
– Physically fit
– Nice car
– Dresses for the occasion (functional and well put together)
– Mysterious
– Element of danger
– Excels in conversation
– Exhibits leadership attributes
– Protect himself and others
– Decisive
– Exhibits renaissance man qualities (wide spread functional knowledge)
– Assumes prudent risk, mitigates through planning and decisive action
– Sexually pleases his partners (A LOT)
– Knows his path and purpose in this life and as a man
– Exhibits dominant male body language: posture, stance, walk, eye contact, touch.
As you can imagine these are all highly desirable male traits to a vast amount of women (whether they admit it or not).
You’re Not a Secret Spy Guy
So what? Are any of the James Bond qualities unique to him? NO! They are not. Any man can develop the knowledge, skills, and attributes to improve their value as a man. Want to be mysterious? Don’t over explain, don’t show your hand, tell people what you want them to know. Not a leader and want to be one? Start by getting involved in something bigger than yourself. Look at ways you can get involved in your community. Coach a recreational sports team, get involved in your church, seek out a management position, run for office if you want to. Not a conversationalist? That’s okay too. Start being friendly and look to relate to people in conversation. Practice steering it the way you want to go. I treat conversations like a fight. He who strikes first wins a lot of the time. Not decisive? Figure out what you want out of whatever it is you are indecisive about and make a decision. Accept the consequences and move on to the next thing that needs your decision.
Creating the 60/40 split
In the book “The Dead Bedroom Fix” Ralph recommends adopting a 60/40 approach to the lover/provider formula. The provider part comes very naturally to most men. I can say it’s on auto pilot for me personally. The lover portion requires some thought, awareness, and planning. James Bond isn’t thinking “how do I get this woman to have sex with me?” He has a tried and true seduction cycle. It goes something like this:
1. Identify target (The woman across the room)
2. The approach (physically closing the distance and initiate conversation)
3. Flirtatious small talk (sexual tension)
4. Initiate intimate touch (sexual tension)
5. Create distance (sexual tension)
6. Regain contact, isolate, sweep her off her feet
RINSE, WASH, REPEAT
You too should have some form of this cycle. I’ve developed one of my own to keep things pretty sporty. For us who are married or in long term monogamous relationships this is a bit more complicated and requires planning, creativity, and some social/emotional intelligence. It’s eliminating expectations, neediness, and validation seeking. It’s isolating your spouse from boner killers like your children, the grind of shitty house work, and the weight of the world. You have to create an environment where she can be safe in her sexuality and feels the weight lifted from her shoulders. Too much work? It’s really not that much. Get excited about it, look at it as a challenge to treat her right and take care of her. I do my best to shoulder more than my share of the weight on a daily basis to buy that time and space and remove life’s burdens from my wife’s anxious mind. She reciprocates in appreciation. In practical terms, everyone’s situation is a little bit different. There’s no one size fits all here. You have to discover what works. The key is you have to apply effort in this area.
Hopefully you’ve realized by now that EVERY man has the capacity to develop the knowledge, skills, and attributes to create and live a life of sex and danger or be their own version of James Bond. You may not be saving the world from the brink of annihilation but you are becoming something that is becoming rarer by the day. A renaissance man. A man that can build his constantly increase his value over his lifetime.