Abundance

In addition to independence, ABUNDANCE is the other key word for a man who wants success within a healthy relationship.  It is every bit as important.

I was in sunny Florida on vacation with my family last week. Yes, I traveled to the Corona Virus hotspot for a “vacation”. We picked what we thought was going to be a not-so-busy location, but it turned out to be insanely busy. Apparently, everyone in America wanted to get out of the house after being locked down for months.

As I was sitting outside watching people milling around on the beach and at the bars/restaurants, one thing stuck out:
Holy shit… there are a lot of beautiful women out there. A LOT.

I was sitting there thinking to myself, “Every man who worries about leaving his awful relationship needs to come here and sit for ten minutes.”  This was one little spot on a random beach town in Florida, and I was witnessing an endless supply of women that would make the most jaded man stop in his tracks and do a double-take. College girls, sexy moms, attractive older women… you name it, and it was there.

A lot of men in long-term relationships get a sort of tunnel vision about the world. Their view consists of wife, kids and work. That’s it. There is a universe of possibilities around them. New directions to go in. New missions to accomplish. Things to conquer. But…. they are completely blind to all of it.  They are dad robots. “Must… take… kids… school. Must… go… work. Must… make… dinner. Must… do… again… tomorrow.”

It’s not entirely their fault, of course. For your typical controlling “boss” of a wife, she seems to innately know the power that a man with a true sense of “abundance” in life can have. If she senses him even glimpsing at another woman, she will shame him mercilessly. If he entertains the idea of starting an entrepreneurial endeavor, the wife will question his motivations and remind him of his financial responsibilities. Security of the family trumps any aspirations he may have. If he is caught looking at pornography, the wife will remind him that he is a father and husband now and he is not to look at those things. She will punish him by withholding affection… which she was probably doing already anyway.

Yes, many married men are in a virtual prison. They don’t see the world of possibilities around them. Even if they catch a glimpse, the prison warden (their wife) will be there with club in hand reminding him of his role in life.

A man’s natural state is that of independence and abundance. Let’s be honest, you were engineered to get out and explore the world. When it comes to sex, you were made to jump from woman to woman. That is what your brain and body are screaming at you on a daily basis. “Whoa… look at that girl. Look at THAT one, too! Oh, and that one!” Marketers understand your true animal nature and they push your buttons accordingly. Porn, even with all of the free website available today, is still a multi-billion dollar industry.

I think that a man who is truly satisfied withing a long-term relationship is one who can still incorporate a very real sense of abundance into his life. When a man recognizes all that the world truly has to offer, he suddenly doesn’t tolerate mediocrity, even within the confines of marriage.

A man with a true sense of abundance doesn’t “put up” with a domineering and angry wife. He laughs at her. “Haha… why on Earth would you say that? I can’t imagine saying something like that to you. Wow, that was not a smart move on your part, was it?” He knows she can be replaced with a much sweeter version of herself, therefore he’s not afraid to put up boundaries when necessary.

A man with a true sense of abundance doesn’t “settle” for the job he has. He doesn’t feel “lucky” to be employed. He works hard and always tries to find a way to kick things up a notch. He always looks for avenues to bring in more money. He has little financial missions to accomplish. He’s buying and selling. He’s doing little side gigs. He’s getting that promotion.  He knows there is A LOT of opportunity and money out there for a man to earn and he’s not afraid to try and get a piece of the pie. Nobody will out hustle him.

A man with a true sense of abundance doesn’t let himself get out of shape. He realizes that he needs to stay healthy and look good to conquer all those lofty missions that he has for himself. He also recognizes what he needs to do to maintain a healthy sexual relationship… with or without his wife. He knows most guys don’t think like he does, which means he will have a distinct advantage over them.

A man with a true sense of abundance doesn’t look at his wife as “the one and only one ever until the end of time no matter what she does”. He looks at his wife as the woman he loves and adores, but also as a woman who needs to also earn his respect and love, much like he has to earn hers. After all, he has the world of abundance at his fingertips. When somebody tries to limit that natural abundance or, God forbid, try to convince him that he’s not worthy of such abundance… well, then that person is toxic and should be cast aside. Life is too short.

The irony in all of this is that a guy with a TRUE sense of abundance and independence doesn’t have to constantly posture and put up a “you better jump on board or else” front. By virtue of his energy and leadership, other people in his life will naturally fall in line. If you have a wife who is mentally healthy and truly a great partner, then she will recognize the quality of man she has by her side and she will do all that she can to make sure that he continues to grow as a person. She will validate. She will encourage. She will be your cheerleader. After all, you two are a team. If her teammate is strong, the team is strong.

Yes, as cruel as it sounds, many women need to innately know that they are replaceable. They need to know that they have a great guy that could actually go out and get a pretty young thing next week if he wanted to. For many women, having that general undercurrent of uncertainty and respect for their partner is precisely what keeps her off of the proverbial “boss” pedestal and down on the ground as “partner”.

If you’re not projecting an aura of abundance is all facets of life, then the world, and your wife, will gladly step right over you. The world WANTS men who see and take advantage of the natural abundance in life. You need to figure out exactly WHAT it is that is keeping you from walking out of your mental prison cell. Is it childhood baggage that is preventing you from seeing your worth? Is it a toxic partner? There is something that is keeping you from taking that step. Once you get past that and get the courage to take that big first step… that’s when things can open up for you.

Old me in Florida would’ve seen that abundance of women as a slap in the face. “Sigh… if only I could have women like that. Oh well.” New me sits back with a smile and reflects on his brief single dating period after my first marriage and thinks, “You know… if this marriage doesn’t work out. Yeah, I think I’ll be okay.”