Eight years ago, after my daughter was born, I developed a short fuse. For those who’ve met me at Brofest, this might come as a surprise. Gus? A quick temper? Yes, it’s true! The exhaustion from sleepless nights, the strain of work, the pressures of parenthood—all of life’s challenges began to weigh me down.
But here’s the thing: my attitude didn’t just stay with me; it came right back at me from my partner. And I didn’t like it. In long-term relationships, we often become mirrors that reflect what we put out into the world. It’s a powerful reminder that sometimes, we need to pause, take a deep breath, and choose our responses carefully.
Instead of reacting impulsively, why not respond with the kind of behavior you’d appreciate from others? Take a moment to reflect on your potential actions and ask yourself why you want to react that way. Think about the old saying, “You reap what you sow.” Next time, try sowing seeds of kindness instead.
The hardest part for me was realizing that I missed the chance to be a lover. My selfish attitude made me overlook what my partner was going through. We were both exhausted, overwhelmed, and constantly needed by someone else. Yet, in my frustration, I failed to see that we were in this together.
Eventually, I understood that the attitude I was receiving was a reflection of my own. And I realized something even more profound: it takes far less energy to be a lover than to be angry. Yes, you read that right. It’s easier to be present, to offer a kind word, and to show support than it is to stay mad. My secret weapon? Choosing to be a lover, offering compliments instead of complaints, and leading with love.
Nothing captivates a woman more than her feeling truly seen by the person she loves. Your awareness of this is crucial in mastering the art of seduction in a long-term relationship. It’s simpler than you think—all you need to do is be present and notice your partner.
We humans thrive on consistent approval and appreciation. Compliments from our partners make us feel valued, special, and deeply loved, and is a powerful aspect of “intimate communication.” Think about how great you feel when your partner notices you. Now, imagine the impact you’ll have when you do the same for her.
Taking the time to compliment your partner not only elevates you as a lover but also strengthens your bond with her. It’s about making her feel admired and cherished. For us men, offering compliments to our women is a way to lead with our masculinity. When you praise her for her feminine qualities, her beauty, and her unique essence, you deepen your magnetic attraction and nurture her feelings of trust and safety in your presence.
This dynamic is crucial for maintaining the balance of safety and excitement that fuels romantic and erotic passion. A thriving, intimate life requires just the right mix of comfort and thrill. Too much safety can lead to boredom, while too much risk makes it hard to relax.
Just as we all crave romance and physical connection, we also yearn for different forms of appreciation. Taking the time to notice and express something unique about your partner every day will undoubtedly enrich your relationship. But remember, don’t overdo it. Too much, and she could start getting used to it, which would reduce its effectiveness. The key is to drop seeds of appreciation consistently and in moderation.
Women, in particular, need to feel adored, appreciated, and desired. They want to know that you find them beautiful, sexy, intelligent, and capable. The world doesn’t always give women the positive recognition they deserve, so it’s vital for you to fulfill that need in the safe haven of your home. They genuinely want to be admired by their sexual partner—they need to feel desired!
There are differences in how men and women seek appreciation. We are influenced by our hormonal makeup (testosterone versus estrogen), evolution, culture, and the timeless aspects of our shared humanity.
For us men, compliments that acknowledge our achievements, ability to provide security, and attractiveness are incredibly fulfilling. We thrive on respect and want to feel like winners. For the women reading this, compliment your male partner on his accomplishments, his intelligence, and his cleverness, and let him know he’s the best. And just as importantly, we men want to feel wanted; we need to know we make you feel amazing.
Embrace the practice of appreciating your partner and watch your relationship flourish with a renewed sense of passion and connection.
Make a commitment to share, every day, at least one adoring or appreciative comment or some kind of recognition for a job well done. Do it more if you can. There’s likely no limit to how much your partner will enjoy hearing how incredible they are.
I’ve put together a few examples below that you can personalize and incorporate into your relationship. Consider adding them to your calendar or phone notes as reminders. Our lives get busy, so our phones can be a useful tool that will give us that little nudge to remind us to be the attentive lover our partner deserves.
Here’s how easy it is:
Is that a new blouse/top? It looks incredible on you.
I love it when you do [this], and it makes our house feel like home.
I love it when you make/cook [this meal]. It always tastes perfect. Thank you for making me feel at home.
You remembered to get/pick up [this] and [that]. Thank you! You’re amazing at handling all those details.
I’m so impressed with the ideas you brought back from that conference!
You’re looking really fit these days. I’m glad you take care of your health.
You looked absolutely stunning when you left for work today.
When you make it a habit to notice just one unique thing about your partner each day, they’ll light up like a Christmas tree.
The next step is to bring this appreciation into your intimate moments. Women, in particular, need to hear these affirming words about your desire for them. This helps them relax into pleasure with an open heart. Starting with adoration and appreciation outside the bedroom sets the stage for deeper connection and intimacy behind closed doors.
Practice letting those words of love flow naturally. Make it a daily ritual. As you nurture this habit, your mutual affection will blossom and extend into every aspect of your relationship. By planting seeds of love wherever you are together, you create a garden of delight in your life.
This week, challenge yourself to start incorporating verbal appreciation into your relationship every single day. Whether you give a compliment right now or set a reminder in your calendar, just do it! Your partner needs and cherishes your love and affection. Make expressing your appreciation a daily habit and watch how it strengthens the bond you share.